This is it. My final day as a college student. Finals are completed. Projects turned in. The last grades added in. All is done. Tomorrow I will walk across the stage and take a piece of paper that says my diploma is coming to me in a few months.
I have mixed feelings about this. Most of my emotions could fall under the category of sad. I am sad to leave the world that I have live in for the past several years. Sad to realize that this chapter of my life, even if I end up going to graduate school, is over now. I will never get these moments back.
I have made and lost friends over the years. Had my share of pain and triumphs. I questioned and got answers. Some I liked. Some I really didn’t like at all.
In the course of my college career I had three motifs: 1) True friendship, 2) Love, and 3) Who I am.
True friendships is where you share with one another your heart and soul.
It is not romantic in any sense but there is a bond. And these bonds are extremely rare and fragile. The few that I do have took many years to develop and would not do anything to damage such friendships. Such friendships have weathered changes in each other, circumstances, and out looks on life. You go through the storms, droughts, and bounty of life without losing sight of each other. Miles and time don’t mean much. You check in on each other. You are strong when they are weak and they are strong for you when you are weak.
Love. I really don’t know what it is. I thought I did but all I found out is that I want it but I am not ready.
From my observance of high schoolers, college students, and people in their seventies, love is a strange thing. I think true love is something that we do not know. What keeps two people together over multiple decades? What keeps two people together when one is crippled? It has to be more than beauty, strength, or good sex. There has to be more than what they eyes can see. I don’t know what that is but I can see its ripples on the surface of such old and established relationships. Maybe that is the romantic in me but I rather keep that part of me than lose it.
And lastly, who am I?
We’ve all had that moment when we stand and stare into the mirror and took a long hard look. Some of us already know the answer. Others are still searching. I have learn that who you are doesn’t mean that you are totally opposite of your family, elders, or the environment that you grew up in. At the same time this does not mean that you are just a drone parroting off what you are taught without question. Life is made interesting by the people. And people are only interesting because we are not copies. To find out who you are is looking at yourself. Take what others say, weigh what they say and why they say it. Are they telling you to change to suit them? Or are they telling you to change to improve yourself without any benefit to them?
I guess I did learn one other thing: life is hard and not fair. A lot of you know this first hand. Others really haven’t encountered the curve balls that life loves to throw. But you have to take the shots and do the best you can.
This is Poetria. The last blog as a college student. A part of me is sad by the passing. Another is looking forward to next stage of my life.
And not tripping on stage when I go to get my diploma.